Better To Say It Now
by Animaltalker
Summary: Casey' reacts to the shooting in the courtroom. Spoilers for the episode Raw


The courtroom was in turmoil with dead and wounded men scattered throughout it, but Casey Novak was only concerned about two of them, and really only the one. She ran to his side.

"John, are you alright?" she asked as she knelt next to him.

"Peachy," he answered with a grimace.

"Where'd you get shot?" she asked, concerned that the red stuff he was obviously leaking might be coming from a gunshot wound to his back.

"Um, in the,"– John hesitated and squirmed a bit.

"Oh," Casey said with what was almost a tiny laugh. "You poor baby."

Munch huffed with typical male disdain at her calling him baby and rolled his eyes, but said nothing lest he discourage the attention he was getting from her.

"I was frightened when that kid grabbed me, but then when I saw you with your gun out ordering him to drop his, I suddenly felt like everything would be OK," she told him and took his hand.

John looked down to where there hands were joined and felt a moment's flush of joy followed quickly by guilt.

"How's Elliot?" he asked, craning his neck to try to see his fallen comrade.

"I'll check on him for you," she answered and quickly moved towards Elliot. She returned to John's side a few moments later.

"He's OK. He's got a wound to his arm near his elbow and there's a bystander from the gallery administering first aid. I'm sure EMS will be here soon, although I don't think either of you are going to be their top priority," she said scanning the room.

"Oh?" John said, packing a request for elaboration into the one word, but before she could continue he blew out a breath, as though in pain.

"Are you sure you're OK?" Casey asked in concern.

"Yeah, I was just seeing if you were paying attention," he said, each word coming out with more difficulty.

Suddenly Casey realized there was a lot more blood coming from his wound than she had realized. "You aren't OK!" she said, suddenly agitated and sprang up in search of EMS personnel.

Later

"Good thing you were paying attention to Detective Munch, Miss Novak. Usually a gunshot wound in the gluteus maximus is no big deal, but Detective Munch is so lean, he hasn't got much adipose tissue. So he's mostly muscle, bone and ligaments and unfortunately those have to be feed by arteries and veins. It appears the bullet chipped a small but very sharp piece of bone off his pelvis and that nicked an artery. He could have bleed out if you hadn't been so observant. He owes you one," the young resident told her.

"I'm just thankful he's going to be alright," Casey said, and for the first time in hours she let herself believe he was going to be OK. When the relief flooded over her, she almost collapsed, but found herself flanked by Olivia Benson and Fin Tutuola.

"Whoa, you OK?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, I think it's just everything about today catching up with me," Casey replied.

"I'm sure having a gun held to your head and watching colleagues get shot down is extremely stressful," the young resident commented. "You should go home and get some rest," he recommended.

"Well,"–

"Look, Detective Munch is going to be sleeping off the sedation for a while. You go home eat a good dinner and get a good night's sleep, and then come and visit him tomorrow," he recommended.

"I'll give you a lift," Fin offered.

"OK," Casey accepted, realizing she didn't really have much choice, she said goodbye to Olivia and allowed Fin to drive her home.

When Casey got home, she felt as though her apartment was cold and empty. She didn't know how to keep herself from dwelling on the day's events and what could have happened. "He could have died and he'd never know," she said aloud to herself.

By the time she was ready for bed, she had made up her mind; tomorrow, she would tell him how she felt about him. Even if he didn't have those kinds of feelings for her, at least she would know she'd told him, and she could stop thinking how dreadful it would be if something happen to either of them without the truth being said.

Casey rose early and spent what was for her an unusual amount of time fixing her hair and makeup and selecting the 'right' outfit. She then went to a newsstand and bought every daily paper she could find and several news magazines. She knew John liked to read several newspapers a day and he'd probably enjoy the news magazines too. And so bearing gifts she headed to the hospital. She was there well before visiting hours, but she managed to use her ADA's badge to wheedle her way into John's room, where he was crankily refusing the breakfast he'd been brought.

"If you don't eat your breakfast you won't get better, and if you don't get better they won't let you out of here," Casey chided him.

"Casey!" John said with smile. Noticing the newspapers and magazines he added, "What did you bring me?"

"Several of today's newspapers and a couple of news magazines, didn't want you to be bored," she answered.

"That's great, thank you, please sit down," John said inviting her to stay.

"John, there's something I want to say to you. I'm just not sure how to say it, but after yesterday I know I have to, I mean, you never know when you might not get the opportunity to say what your thinking, what your feeling. It's just that I don't know exactly how to put this into words, which is pretty strange, when you consider that I make my living with words," Casey stopped for a second. She had gotten up from her seat on John's bed almost as soon as she'd sat down and had been nervously pacing and twisting her hands. "I'm babbling aren't I?" she asked.

"A little," John answered her truthfully, but not harshly or impatiently.

"Oh," Casey let out a big frustrated sigh, and then she quickly leaned in and kissed John. He was very startled at first, but after a moment's bewilderment he wrapped his arms around her and drew her partway onto the bed with him.

When they broke the kiss, he said, "I think I understood what you had to say pretty well, but maybe you better run it by me one more time, just to be sure."

"Gladly," she said and kissed him again.

"Oh, John I was so scared for you," she said when he released her from the kiss.

"And you don't think I was scared for you? When that kid put his gun to your head, I couldn't think of anything but, 'how do I get Casey out of this situation safely'."

"Is that why you didn't notice the other shooter?" she asked.

"Maybe, but then again, I don't think Elliot noticed him at first either," John answered.

There was silence between them for a moment as they simply drank each other in.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked.

"I don't know. Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"I want to be with you," she answered.

"I don't know if you're brave or foolish, but if you want to be with me then so be it, but I think we better keep it quiet. I suspect there are a few people who wouldn't be too thrilled with the idea," John suggested.

"Hmm, well I don't mind quiet, but I don't want it to be a total secret. I mean I don't want it to be like you're ashamed of me or something," Casey countered, sounding just a bit upset as she made the last comment.

"Of course not. Any man would be proud to be with you, I just don't want you to get grief from anyone because of me," he explained.

"Alright, but can we tell, say your partner Fin and the other detectives in SVU?"

"Tell them what exactly?" John asked, wanting reassurance of what he thought was happening between them.

"That we're together now," she said shyly.

"OK, we can tell Fin and Olivia, I'm not so sure about Elliot."

"Why not Elliot?

"He's pretty parochial in some of his attitudes."

"You mean he'd think you were too old for me?" she asked.

"Among other things," John answered.

"Screw that notion. I don't care how old you are. You're the man I want to be with," she said emphatically.

"Scars and all?" John said with a grin and a bit of a nod toward his butt.

"Scars and all," Casey promised, as she twined her hand in his.


End file.
